marlawentmad (marlawentmad) wrote,

The Real LJ Idol * Season 11 * Week 28: Sawubona

When I looked at others,
I mistook their
sharp edges for clarity,
believed in the vision
they set before me;
my reflection in
their fun house
mirror morphing
into something

I walked around with my eyes
squeezed shut against
the painfully bright
colors of judgement,
the harsh hand held gas
light lamps throbbing
along my avenues,

deserted by common sense,
but reinforced with high curbs
to knock my shins against
in the chaotic strobes of
intermittent understanding,

whirling through the foggy air,
elongating mere shadows
dense with mass and toothily
gleaming in the damp alleyways
where I took a shortcut to something
I would later call self confidence, but

it was merely a mask of a brave face,
my hero’s cape a soft red blanket
around my shoulders to protect me
from the icy shards of the glare pointed
at my back even as they insisted the warmth
I felt was from the fire they tended, but

I was the one who held
the matches,
the kindling
they dropped into my flames was
gathered from my garden,
misplaced somewhere
along the way
during an escape from
the city I was cloistered in, but
there, on the edge of nowhere

I saw my familiar shape under
the red flower, toes dug
into the scorched earth,
scorpion on my back,
rattlesnake at my heel,

breath hot as the desert night panting
with the effort of carrying a
bag of bones, clacking
across the great expanses to
settle my assembled skeleton
into distant seas, far off from
the dry basins I laid myself
down to rest within,

the needles of cacti
in my throat,
sand grit in
my teeth.

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